Well David under the circumstance right now I think it's better Kate and me just distance ourselves for awhile because whenever I talk with her it only made me feel worse. I know she is having a hard time trying to understand what my son is going through and she is not interested in reading up on children born this way therefore she can't be supportive of me excepting things the way I have. To her it is a choice, but for me it is not a choice whether I accept this or not. He is my son and I Love him unconditionally and always will and I will stand by him until I die.
At this time in my life I can't take anyone upsetting me especially if they can't have an open mind and be willing to check things out before being so judgmental. Hopefully one day she might be able to come to gripes with this and at less try to understand how I feel and realize what pain and suffering my son has been going through all his life. He has as much right as we have to live his life the way he wants to and be happy instead of living his life the way other people feel he should just so they can feel comfortable. Their lack of understanding is due to their lack of information which is available concerning transgender children. I've learned a lot in the past 4 weeks. Going to the support group and talking to the pastor has really helped me to better understand and adjust to the way things are. Like they said it's not about me, it's about him and his happiness and it's not his problem it's our problem because we make it about us and what w feel and want. That's why I thank God for helping me see beyond the outside appearance and to look into the heart and soul of the individual. For no matter what, inside he is the same person that I loved before. It's like if you took a love story book and changed the cover to something totally different. Once you open the book it would still be a love store, only the cover was changed.
What we all look for in life is not approval, but love and I've loved Kate all these years, not because of, but in spite of.
I'm watching my son drifting away right before my eyes and turning into Karen "a beautiful woman". It's like watching a caterpillar transform into a butterfly.
I recall as early as 13 years of age when I started dressing in clothes designed for women. I wasn't sure why or when I decided to do that, but I felt right within myself to wear women's clothing and I was more comfortable with myself when I did. For years I purchased women's clothes, shoes, and wigs to dress in. I kept the clothes for a year or so and then packed them up to throw them away, only to return to dressing as a woman a few months later. I felt awesome and at peace when I dressed in women's clothes.
I never talked about my feelings to anyone, not even my parents. Later my parents felt something may be wrong and sent me to see a psychiatrist who later said I had a chemical imbalance and put me on Lithium. After months of using this drug, I realized this was crapâ€”I was able to get off that drug by faking everything was OK. But deep down inside I knew everything wasn't OK. I was afraid to talk to my parents about what was going on with my dressing because I didn't understand it myself and couldn't find the words to explain it. I was confused when I was a young boy and my confusion continued as I grew into a young man.
In my 20's I got married and my wife was OK with my dressing, but 6 months later she realized that it wasn't OK and divorced me. That was my first marriage. My second marriage lasted 18 years, and during that time I suppressed Karen and hid her from my wife and her kids. Between marriages I thought I would remove Karen from my life for good by throwing away her clothes yet again, but this time it was over a cliff. About 5 months later, Karen was back in my life. I couldn't shake Karen loose, it was a consistent battle and she would return with force each time I tried to remove her from my life. So I embraced the fact that I was a crossdresser, but my soul was still in turmoil. But at the age of 53 I made the decision to do what I needed to do to live for me. So on 10/1/2010 I transition Full Time to live as a woman. On 4/8/2016 I had my SRS.